How to Stop Being Afraid of Money and Why You Fear it in the First Place

for the Creatives
by Mika Vonshá

When I got married, I thought I was honoring my husband by giving him my paychecks to handle. While I now understand how ludicrous this is, I was blinded by my the idea that because a man was the ¨head of the household" that meant he was also more responsible with money than the wife. The scary thing is, I know I am not the only woman who has thought this way. It was under that false premise that my finances in my early twenties took a turn for the worse, but it was not because my now ex-husband was irresponsible with money at all. In fact, whether he was or wasn´t responsible has no bearing on the truth. The truth is that I was afraid of money. But why? 

Why You Fear Money In the First Place

In the famous passage from 1 Timothy 6:10 of the King James Version of the Holy Bible, it is stated that "the love of money is the root of all evil." I'm not the first to explore this and will not be the last. Yet while contemplating my choice of sharing my monetization journey as an artist, this question has been rummaging through my mind ever since I realized I could not have money and hate it at the same time. I then began to fear what people would think of me or if I would be ostracized by my Christian friends and members of my family. So how do we obtain something we need to survive without loving it? And what does "the love of money" really mean anyway? 

According to the Strong's Concordance, the entire phrase "the love of money" translates to the Greek word philarguria which means avarice. Thus, avarice is the root of all evil. And what does avarice mean? According to the online etymology dictionary, avarice is an "inordinate desire of gaining and possessing wealth," fifth of the seven deadly sins, from Old French avarice [meaning] 'greed, covetousness.'" In short, greed is the root of all evil.

After gaining that understanding, the following questions came to mind: Is it possible for me to have money and not become greedy? How much is enough? What constitutes an orderly desire/ a desire that is in harmony with Universal Law? Do I have to somehow prove my purity in order to have money without becoming evil? Am I going to become evil if I obtain more money than I have now? 

I admit, I have dealt with many fears around money. There was a time when even talking about money made me cringe and I yearned for financial literacy so that I could independently fend for myself. Then I realized that I have never starved a day in my life. So yearning for financial literacy can be perceived as pretty greedy for me. I've lost homes, but I have never had to sleep outside against my own will. I've also lost someone's trust before, yet many still love and trust me. I've had many accomplishments, yet I still worry I might fail. Notice that I shifted from speaking about the relative flow of physical objects to the flow of intangible things such as trust and accomplishments. The point I want to make is that it isn´t really money most of us are after at all, but rather the sense of independence, trust that our physiological needs will be met, ease of connecting with and supporting our loved ones, and the creative freedom we believe it may offer. So why did I still worry even though I had everything I needed and more? Will I always be dissatisfied -- always wanting more and more? Why am I so greedy?

As I repeatedly heard how difficult it is for artists to make money and how rare it is for them to become successful, I lived in a constant state of self-doubt. I became stagnant. How do I become independent and responsible if the world expects me to be in lack?

Being greedy about money is worrying about money and worrying is a sin. Worrying goes against what you are. It creates the illusion that you are separate from God and leads to self destruction. When we worry, we are voracious and in a continuous state of hunger. Worry and greed are both forms of lack. God is ALL, so how can there be lack?

To me, recognizing our unity with the infinite intelligence that is God within us means allowing the creative flow and process with full confidence that each and every one of our needs will be met along the way. As an artist, this means allowing the gestation and birth of my authentic products and methods of service with full faith and courage that all it touches will prosper. 

Now, to all who label creatives as "struggling artists," I can honestly say thank you for inspiring me to live to discover and write the tangible how. Now I know that I can truly trust the process and that the way does not have to be mystical. No longer fearing money opened me up to the knowledge I needed to open the proper channels and streams. No longer fearing money set me free to obtain the skills I needed. It allowed me to finally fill my cup up so that I can give without feeling like I don´t have enough. 

How I Stopped Being Afraid of Money

Even though I finally felt open to learning about money and managing my own, I knew there was much work to be done. I started with making peace with the Holy Bible and various Christian interpretations of it. 

The following scriptures set me free:

1 Timothy 5:8 states "But if any provide not for his own and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." 

I understand this scripture to mean that if I do not provide for myself and my family, I am worse than a non-believer/ someone who is faithless. This scripture broke me free from the guilt of providing for myself. 

During my short time in the Peace Corps, I taught arts integrated reading and math to fourth graders after school. One day, my director kindly suggested I read the book entitled "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. I was offended. Of course my offense was ridiculous, but I couldn't help but wonder... Is she saying that I lack the joy of giving? Is she saying that I am giving too much and not enough to myself and family? Is she saying I don't belong here? Is she saying I don't take good care of myself? 

The truth: I was so caught up in my own head, I didn´t even read the book! Having been disabled with Crohn's disease and worry that I would never be able to make more than a monthly Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) check, I was triggered by my own self-doubts and fears. While trying to play hero with a victim mindset, I had volunteered for the Peace Corps. I was trying to give from an empty cup.

Thankfully, I eventually found grounding in the fact that in order to take care of my family, I needed to be healthy too. I also realized that in order to give from my heart and to be well received, I needed to give joy-fully. This means giving from an already full - ideally overflowing cup. Giving needed to be part of my nature in a way that was wholesome and balanced.  

I then began to question how to live a wholesome life. I started asking How do I take care of myself? How do I take care of my family? The answer was soft, but clear: faith. 

What is faith? I believe faith is trust, honesty, and confidence. Faith is having the courage to get understanding. Faith means not being afraid of knowledge which in turn gives you confidence. It is learning how to navigate the unknown. Faith is having the humility to admit our ignorance, do the work to learn, and press forward knowing there will be more to learn. We exercise this faith from within. Faith is the process of our emotional regulation and the outward application of it shows up as compassion. The fruit of this faith is our creative work. 

Matthew 6:31-34 describes the faith that we must have in order to provide for ourselves and our families very well by saying:

 

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithall shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." 

I knew I had fallen short of this because I had been so worried about how our needs would be met. I needed to restore my faith. But how? What would I put my faith in? And what is meant by ¨the kingdom of God?¨ How do I make sure I am seeking that first?

 As per the advice of my sister, I took two weeks off of all work and projects to observe myself. I started keeping a regular journal to track my thoughts as well. I wondered what my life would look like if I had complete faith. What would I be doing? What would I be thinking about?

What I learned was incredible and changed my life forever. On October 4th, 2020, I learned that ¨the kingdom of God¨ lived inside of us all -- including me and that my expression of it was unique and precious. It wasn´t that this was particularly new information. It was just presented in Don Miguel Ruiz´s book The Four Agreements and The Voice of Knowledge in a way that resonated with me differently than it ever had before. I believe we are all creative, but those of us who identify as artists are receptive to the innovative thoughts and ideas that pop into our minds and are compelled to express them. Otherwise, they cause dis-ease. They cause disease because they are the stress of unregulated emotions held within the body. When we become aware of our own thoughts, we can better exercise self-control. Moreover, we remove the blocks that hinder our creative expression. 

I learned that my thoughts and ideas are the bricks to build the kingdom and that my faith is the mortar. I realized that I get to choose which thoughts and ideas to use for my authentic expression within the ¨dream of the planet.¨ I saw that there is enough room for each and everyone of us to shine our light and that it could be done in infinite ways. That light is our prosperity -- our heavenly treasure. 

Filled with inspiration due to my new found freedom, I began to dance. As I danced, I regained wholeness in my body. As I became more aware of what I put into my mind, I became more aware of what I put into my body and how it was affecting me. A colonoscopy revealed no trace of Crohn's disease whatsoever after five years of flares. 

Soon, the dancing was accompanied by raps. Blurbs of words began to stream from my lips and as I captured those moments, the jumbled phrases began to take form and cadence. Then, I became more aware of what it was Source Energy (God) was expressing through me. I started writing honest music again. I witnessed my own creative process and flow. I started to move in a way that felt just right. As I started to confront my own ego, it became clear that the purpose of it all is much greater than me. I just hope it sets creative minds at ease. 

Matthew 6:24

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” 

The inordinate desire to beware of here is overvaluing money. Money in of itself has no value. God is infinite intelligence. What God offers is so much more than money. You cannot take money with you when you leave. You may lose it at any time while here. Serving money alone does not yield the fruits of the spirit, but instead yields hoarding tendencies born from the fear of lack or losing nothing [the money]. It´s thus an irrational fear. In a world where you have to pay money for seeds to grow food, I can see how easily this can get blurred. However, you are alive and breathing, therefore, you have real value to offer. Your authenticity is your honest work. Your authenticity is God/Source Energy/Infinite Intelligence/The Creator working within you. GOD is all. Money is not. 

Hebrews 13:5

¨Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." 

In my eagerness to possess money for fear that I would lack the amount of food needed to feed my children, I ran into multiple hardships and made a lot of rash decisions. I took payday loans that I could not pay back, took odd jobs I could not sustain out of desperation, lost money in multilevel marketing companies, and witnessed some of the serious dangers door to door sales can pose to people of color. I dropped out of graduate school to focus on working for fear of eviction and still got evicted. I´ve even put tens of thousands of miles on my car trying to make ends meet with courier and ride-share services. I don´t share these questionable choices to beat up on myself, but rather to be transparent about how thin the line is between covetousness and prosperity. In fact, you will witness me changing my mind about things as this blog grows and I shift my viewpoints. When it came to earning money, I had to shift my focus. I had to learn to ask for help. I had to relinquish fear and start managing my own finances. This meant changing my perspective. Rather than pursuing money, I began to focus on gratitude with the knowing that it would all work out. 

Matthew 6:18-20

That though appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

("Father which is in secret" = The God within you.) 

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 

("in heaven" = that place within you where God dwells.) 

In my morning meditation, I practice the feeling of total relaxation. Relaxation holds the same vibration as peace, security, and well-being. It is a secret and quiet space that is steadfast even in seeming despair. Even though I practice holding that vibration in meditation, I carry that secret space with me wherever I go and resort to it inwardly whenever I need to. Even though this is the same space from which our thoughts manifest into things, I am content with dwelling in that mental space before the manifestation comes into fruition. Resorting to that space to regulate my emotions is now my spiritual practice that I have integrated into my creative process.  

In addition to making peace with the Holy Bible and Christianity, there may be other work to do to stop being afraid of money. You may have other fears that have nothing to do with religion. Perhaps you grew up with a lot of struggle and constantly hearing opinions from people d by en impoverished mindset. Maybe you´ve dealt with having a low self-esteem due to your own self-limiting beliefs. You could have been abused and berated -- forgetting the power and infinite intelligence that dwells within you. I´m here to remind you that although your experiences are valid, it is all relative. What is perceived to some as ¨poor¨ is perceived to others as ¨rich.¨ What we are really up against is the powers and principalities of our own minds. Or in other words, we must become aware of the habitual thoughts in our minds that we learned from our domestication into our society. 

Other Ways to Stop Being Afraid of Money: 

Get clear on your values. 

Who do you care for most? What do you care most about? Where do you care most about? When do you find yourself most concerned? Why do you do what you do? What is your honest work?

Recognize ALL you have to be grateful for. 

What things are working out for you in your life? Who is thriving around you and who is showing you love? Who are you showing your appreciation for? What places are you most grateful for? At what times can you pause throughout the day to simply say thank you to life? In what ways has your body been loyal to you?

Know your portion. 

How much does it cost for you to modestly have your basic needs met (ie. your budget) and fulfill your purpose (ie. cover business expenses)? I´ve tried many different apps to track my budget, build healthy boundaries for myself, and track my expenses, but honestly, a Planberry and Google Keep notes have worked best for me.

Take care of your thoughts. 

Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." The number one fear of optimism is becoming delusional. I am not saying that you should be in a world of delusion. In fact, that is precisely why I wrote my first blog post with tangible and practical information about monetizing your artistry that can be applied to the real 3-D world. But what I shared in that article were simply possible revenue streams that you can open up for yourself. However, the flow of productivity and service comes from the treasures you have stored up within. When the treasures within you become the focus, you are able to work without concern for money. As I also stated in that article, creative entrepreneurs may undergo a time when they must work for no pay at all. The reward during that time is pure freedom of expression. Yet to keep the faith during weak hours when tempted with worry and lack, the mind must be relaxed and positive. A negative mental attitude will only seek to destroy progress. Thus, it is absolutely essential to stay focused on the mark and press forward with a deep knowing that it is all working out for good because you have loved your awareness (ie. The Lord). Take the time to discover the method of relaxation that works best for you. 

Conclusion

So why have you been afraid of money in the first place? Was "the love of money the root of all evil" passage tripping you up? Remember that "the love of money" is the Greek word philarguria which means greed. Greed is the root of all evil. Are you afraid of being perceived as greedy or haughty? What are your thoughts about money? Is it easy for you to talk about? Do you consider yourself financially literate? Are you doing something you love to make money? Why or what´s holding you back? What are you doing to relax and remain stress free? In what ways are you giving thanks?

I want to take the time to express my gratitude here. I am truly appreciative to those of you who have taken the time to read this post. It would be wonderful to connect and continue the conversation. I would love to hear your thoughts and know more about you. As I share this journey of trusting the creative process and documenting it for the creatives, I do wonder who you are. Who am I serving and how can I serve you better? Please help me to blog for the creatives by sharing your feedback on the form below.

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With an abundance of Love, 

-Mika Vonshá